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31 Hilariously Exasperated Parents Who Are Hanging On By A Thread This Christmas

"‘Tis the season to sit through a two-hour Christmas program to catch your kid’s 90-second performance."

You know what? Some parents really know how to live it up this time of year. Like, they...HAVE. A. HOLIDAY.

But most of us moms and dads are hanging on by our fingernails, struggling to finish gift lists, remembering to move the elf, sitting through interminable school holiday performances ("On the twelfth day of..." NO!), and about 1,000 other things. It's A LOT!

Thankfully, there are a lot of REALLY funny parents on Twitter who know exactly what we're going through. So sit back, relax (until your kid yells your name), and enjoy these A+ holiday season tweets:


Our first Christmas as parents (2020): Yes we're trying to minimize consumerism and screen time, so please stick to wooden toys without batteries Our second Christmas with two kids (2022): Yeah they like anything related to Paw Patrol, which we watch 12 hours a day

Twitter: @MallieRydzik


I never understood how the little drummer boy’s parents could just send him outside alone at night to play his drum until my daughter brought a recorder home from school.

Twitter: @simoncholland


There needs to be a Christmas song about breaking down Amazon boxes.

Twitter: @mommajessiec


me: every time you guys don't listen to us I get to burn a Christmas present in the fireplace. 8: well then you'll just be wasting your own money. Well shit.

Twitter: @dadmann_walking


Have kids so you can be done with your Christmas shopping & they can hand you their "updated" list which includes nothing you bought.

Twitter: @sarcasticmommy4


Twitter: @mommeh_dearest


9yo: Has Santa always been alive? When did he become Santa? Is he going to be Santa forever? Wouldn’t he get bored? Me: Listen, do you want the iPad or not

Twitter: @thedad


Overheard at 10yo’s holiday concert: This could have been a conference call.

Twitter: @kristabellerina


*takes picture of son putting ornament on the tree* Okay, now give that back to mommy and don't touch another one, okay?

Twitter: @mommy_cusses


Me moving the Elf: assembles a complicated zip line out of yarn and leftover holiday tinsel with Elf gliding across the room. My husband moving the Elf: relocates it from one chair to another chair 3 feet away.

Twitter: @Lhlodder


I could have four days to wrap a present and it would still look like I did it on a public bathroom baby changing table in the dark.

Twitter: @benedictsred


‘Tis the season to sit through a two-hour Christmas program to catch your kid’s 90-second performance.

Twitter: @TheCatWhisprer


I'm dreaming of a quiet Xmas One b4 kids, I used to know Where rules need no repetition And children listen Whenever parents tell them no I'm dreaming of a quiet Xmas One where the kids sleep thru the night May your days be merry+bright + may none of your kids get in a fight

Twitter: @SatiricalMommy


Today, to get into the holiday spirit, my son and I built* a gingerbread house! *my son ate 100 gumdrops, 3 handfuls of sprinkles, and a bag of icing; and I threw away 4 walls and a roof made of gingerbread after wiping down my entire kitchen twice

Twitter: @kindminds_


Being a dad is telling your kids the thermostat stays where it is or we can't afford Christmas.

Twitter: @HomeWithPeanut


The only thing toddlers love more than Santa is running, hiding and/or crying when they see a Santa.

Twitter: @Dad_At_Law


Child: Why doesn’t Santa doesn’t bring you or mommy presents? Me: Because we’re always on his Naughty List. Child: Why? Me: Child: Me: Well- Wife [running into the room]: WE TEAR OFF MATTRESS TAGS

Twitter: @RodLacroix


7-year-old: You'll never guess what I got you for Christmas. Me: Okay. 7: You didn't guess. Me: I want to be surprised. 7: Fine. I'll tell you.

Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn


When my parents asked what I want for Christmas, I really wanted to say groceries. Is that allowed? 😆

Twitter: @twinstantfamily


When a toy says it's designed for children 10 and older, they mean you shouldn't buy it unless you have an engineering degree.

Twitter: @lmegordon


gave my 8yo money to buy presents at his school’s holiday store and he came home with a dog chew toy for his cousin and “candy for everyone”

Twitter: @daddygofish


My 5yo asked me to help him put the ornaments on the Christmas tree but he made sure I knew “you can still help even though you’re not mommy”

Twitter: @kevinthedad


I signed an online petition for there to be a candy cane emoji. This is where we are as a species.

Twitter: @mommajessiec


I just yelled: ITS QUIET TIME, THE FIRST PERSON TO TALK LOSES A CHRISTMAS GIFT My kids made it like 3 whole minutes, it was bliss

Twitter: @dishs_up


Me in January: (stuffing tangled lights and broken ornaments into unlabeled boxes) Problem for another day! Me in December: Son of a bitch

Twitter: @not_thenanny


Every year for Christmas I buy my nephew something that has to be assembled, because watching my brother struggle to put it together is my Christmas.

Twitter: @Social_Mime


my kids are going to find out santa isnt real by the sheer number of boxes that start arriving before christmas

Twitter: @mom_tho


No pressure, but if my kids don't love the Choose Your Own Adventure books I got them for Christmas as much as I did as a child they will essentially be ripping the still-beating heart out of my chest like that dude from Temple of Doom.

Twitter: @HenpeckedHal


Are we sure the wise men who brought frankincense and myrrh weren't just trying to sign Mary up for their essential oils pyramid scheme?

Twitter: @simoncholland


According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

Twitter: @sarcasticmommy4


I love that my kids are still too dumb, I mean young, to realize their wrapped gifts are right inside their own bedroom closet.

Twitter: @RYGdance

Did you find these parents as hilarious as I did? Then give them a follow on Twitter!